Friday, January 06, 2006
Free lessons on Love
This seems to be a season to be thinking about love.
On a more altruistic (i.e. platonic and non-romantic) angle, a portion of my new year's resolution is to learn how to love. Properly. As a friend of mine puts it, to love with your heart on your sleeve, exposed to all, vulnerable to villains but never aching because that heart is throbbing with joy-overflowing life blood.
One wouldn't be wrong to assume that the above clarification in parenthesis is my overt disclaimer that I'm happily enjoying my sabbatical and am obviously not looking for romantic love.
But fortunately or not, at this moment, quite a few people in my circle seem to be caught in circumstances that require them to make up their minds and to move on to another stage of their life...with... or without a particular someone.
First off, before you gag at that momentary display of melodrama, I did it deliberately.
Reeeaaallllyyyyy...
See, the first fallacy of all these decision making is that you have to give a black-white, yes-no answer immediately. I'm not advocating stringing people along but when you get that "Wanna go steady not?" question (which no one has ever asked me! Not in those exact words anyway. Thank goodness!) there's no need to reply with a yes-no immediately. This is your life (and your future happiness) we're talking about here. It's perfectly fine to say "I need more time to think" (and to evaluate your character if I might add).
And no. 'Friends with privileges' is a very, very bad idea. Detrimental to mental, emotional and physical health.
The next most frequently recurring fallacy is "we can still be friends". That is absolutely the most idealistic aka unrealistic assumption ever!
READ:
You can only be friends after cooling off first.
I put that down with lots of spaces just in case you're a slow reader or learner and need more time to process/accept that. Take it from me, I've seen it from multiple sides.
If the other party doesn't care for you, then he/she probably won't appreciate your gestures of friendship as much as you would hope for. What do you end up with?
More disappointment on your part.
And if you're desperately trying or claiming to want to be friends, then it only goes to show that you're still harboring feelings. What then does it say about your resolution to "just be friends"?
Out of the window obviously.
The strategy?
Cool off. Clean breaks allow wounds to heal faster and neater.
Oh, I know I'm starting to get really long-winded and tedious. But if you're reading this and you think I'm addressing this to you, know that all this is my indirect attempt to give advise/talk some sense into you. Coz I'm somehow concerned for your welfare.
So there. Don't say I didn't tell you.
cLoUd DriFteD bY at
10:35 PM
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kennysia
